His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
