Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
