Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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