That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
