Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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