i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
