Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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