Just mADE A PArabola og urine
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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