watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize