I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
