i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
