It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
