It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
