I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
