Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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