My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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