Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
