How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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