My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will be naked everywhere
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
