Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
