6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
