Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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