Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
