this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
