i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
