He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ttyl tear gas
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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