i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
