I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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