I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
