My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
