He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
