Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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