he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
