i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you would pick up someone in the library
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
