i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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