What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
