I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
