So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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