Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
