i jhust puked up my retainher.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
