Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You took a bar mat shot.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize