why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
