Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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