I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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