Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
