I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
