dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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