I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
