Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
