I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize