i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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