considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
