Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
