After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
one might say we're banned from that church
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
