I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
