So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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