if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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