it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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