I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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