I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
