I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
