Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
