Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
