It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
