new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
