it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
