She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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