Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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