I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pants are for mortals
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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