u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
