I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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