Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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