haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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