So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
