Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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