good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
