I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
