The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
