i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
