Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
