I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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